


How Menfolk Do It

by Bofur1



Series: Child's Play [1]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
Genre: Awkward Kissing, Clueless Dwarflings, F.L.U.F.F., F/M, I Don't Even Know, Kid Fic, Mindless Fluff and Feelings, Secret Crush, Shocked Adults, Surprise Kissing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-01
Updated: 2013-10-01
Packaged: 2017-12-28 02:53:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/986814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bofur1/pseuds/Bofur1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dwarves kiss by pressing their foreheads together, while Menfolk kiss with their lips. Dwalin is a young, innocent Dwarfling who happens to come upon a Human couple kissing. </p><p>Then Dwalin finds himself alone with Dís...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Dwalin could find absolutely nothing to do. Being a young lad, he usually relied on his parents or his elder brother to plan the day for him. However, Adad was at work and Balin was out with Thorin and Frerin. Thus Dwalin shuffled into the kitchen.

“Ama, there’s nothing to do,” he sighed, leaning against the entryway. His silver eyes followed his mother’s movements as she bustled about the kitchen.

“Why don’t you play upstairs?” Deallyra suggested distractedly as she stirred a pot of soup.

Dwalin groaned. “I already did, and now I’m tired.”

“Then take a nap.”

“But that’s no fun!” Dwalin complained. “Can I help you here?”

“Ah, no...” Deallyra knew her younger son would only cause chaos in the cooking department.

“Well, then, what can I do?!” Dwalin cried, dismayed.

Ama sighed. “Listen, Dwalin. I’m busy trying to make dinner. Don’t forget, we’re having your aunt, uncle, and cousins over tonight. Until then, why don’t you go outside and see where you can find inspiration?” At her son’s sulky lower lip she added firmly, “It wasn’t a suggestion. Go on.”

Dragging his feet and mumbling Dwalin pushed open the back door and waded out into a sea of waist-high grass. The air was sticky and hot and Dwalin hated it. Didn’t Ama know how miserable it was outside?

“Maybe she just doesn’t care,” Dwalin grumbled. He wandered about for a while, listlessly eyeing trees and bushes and weeds. There wasn’t any inspiration here; of that he was certain. Yet as he considered Dwalin did think of the one place that did.

Dwalin cast a cautious glance over his shoulder. His mother wasn’t watching...Quickly and quietly Dwalin began edging toward the path which led away from his house. Then he broke into a run.

When at last Dwalin reached his destination with chest heaving and sweat streaming down his neck, he was certain he had made the right choice. The market was all about amusing the senses.

Drawing in a breath, the Dwarfling no longer smelled foul weeds and crusty dirt. Now there was the scent of fresh meat being spiced and warm honey-dipped pastries. A grin broke out on his young face as Dwalin shoved his hands in his pockets and began his stroll.

He took the time to study the clothing of the passerby. There were so many exotic colors and styles to see. Dwalin reached out and let the silk of a passing woman’s dress float past his fingertips.

Dwalin also enjoyed listening to the hum of conversation, and what delighted him most of all was unexpectedly dropping into a conversation and giving his say. It didn’t amuse others as much and Dwalin often found himself being driven away so he couldn’t eavesdrop any longer, but he believed the fun was worth it.

For all its enjoyable things, there were some downsides to the marketplace. Dwalin had to avoid being tripped over or stepped on by some of the inattentive Menfolk, and when there was an incident, their strange, alien curses caused him to cringe.

After a half-hour of dodging passerby and at least fifteen apologies, Dwalin ducked into a corner to take a break and regain his composure. As he did so Dwalin noticed a very peculiar sight.

A Man and a Woman were embracing in the innermost part of the corner. Dwalin had embraced other Dwarves many times, but he’d not ever gotten in their face like the Man was doing to the Woman. Dwalin shifted to get a better view and the situation grew even more bewildering. Wouldn’t pressing their mouths together get rather uncomfortable? Dwalin watched them with brows furrowed in concentration and perplexity.

Dwalin’s thoughts dwelled on the pair as he began making his way home a bit later. Was it some foreign custom of the Menfolk? He’d not ever seen anyone do such a thing before. The Man and Woman he’d been watching seemed to like it.

When he reached home Dwalin only partially listened to the severe rebuke he received from Ama for sneaking off without permission. He _did_ listen, however, to the hard spank on his rump as he started up the stairs to his room.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HalkGim = Dís's real name: blue fire
> 
> Amagur = Dwalin's real name: the bear

A few days later, for reasons beyond his knowledge, Dwalin’s mind was still fixated on what he’d seen. He could barely think of anything else, even when he and his family joined the Prince and his family for a picnic.

“Dwalin!”

Said Dwarfling pivoted to see who had spoken and his arms were instantly filled with a mass of velvety clothing and an ecstatic young princess.

After a moment Dís pulled away, a smile on her glowing face. “I haven’t seen you for so long; I missed you!” she exclaimed.

“I m-missed you too,” Dwalin replied shyly, hoping that Dís hadn’t heard the slight tremor in his voice.

“Good,” Dís giggled, leaping into his arms again. Dwalin stiffened slightly, his heart rate quickening. Embracing someone hadn’t been the same for Dwalin since he’d seen that Man and Woman in the market. It was odd, but whenever he remembered how content they had seemed doing that weird Manfolk ritual Dwalin had an urge to try it. Whatever it was that made them so happy, Dwalin wanted to experience it.

Dís realized that Dwalin wasn’t hugging her back and glanced up at him, brows furrowing. “Dwalin?” she asked in puzzlement.

Dwalin fumbled for words. “Uhm...Dís...” he stuttered. Dís cocked her head slightly, one of her long dark bangs falling against her rosy cheek. Dwalin gulped, apprehensively clenching his fists, and then threw his arms around her and gave it everything he had.

Their heads struck together somewhat painfully and Dwalin’s nose felt as though it were being bent at all the wrong angles, but the sudden rush of elation and excitement overwhelmed the negativities. After a few seconds of paralyzed shock Dís shoved him away, rubbing her hand across her mouth.

“What—?!” she sputtered.

A huge grin took over Dwalin’s face, and even though he knew he probably appeared foolish he couldn’t help himself.

“I did it!” he exclaimed breathlessly.

Dís backed away, eyeing him warily. “Did what?”

Dwalin snatched up her hand and she tried to jerk away but he tightened his grip. “Didn’t you like it?” he asked anxiously. Perhaps it wasn’t having the proper effect on Dís.

The princess shifted uncomfortably. “I don’t know. What exactly was it?”

Dwalin shrugged slowly. “I'm not sure. I saw one of the Menfolk do it to one of their women. I wanted to try it...”

“Did you do it right?” Dís questioned.

“Well, did you like it?” Dwalin repeated.

“I think I’d like it better without the nose-bumping,” Dís replied, rubbing the bone that had knocked with Dwalin’s. She paused for a moment before grasping his collar and successfully pressing her lips against his without hitting noses. Dwalin startled, but Dís held onto him until she was ready to let go. After doing so Dís frowned speculatively, stroking the dark fluff on her chin. She looked so much like Thorin and Frerin that Dwalin almost laughed, but he suppressed it for the sake of her concentration.

“Yep, much better,” Dís announced decisively, her mind made up.

“I think I still need practice,” Dwalin said sheepishly. Dís nodded acknowledgement and curled her small fingers around the lip of his collar.

After a few more attempts Dwalin and Dís believed they had it just the way they wanted it. Dís was quite pleased with their success.

“Let’s show our parents!” she exclaimed. Before Dwalin could protest she was dragging him toward Thráin, Malyan, Fundin, and Deallyra, who were sprawled on the grass beneath a tree.

“Ama, Adad, Uncle Fundin, Aunt Deallyra,” Dís greeted them politely, if not hastily. Her stream of news then came tumbling out. “Dwalin taught me this new ritual the Menfolk do—at first he wasn’t very good at it, but then again neither was I—but we’ve been practicing and now we want to show you, may we?”

Fundin blinked in confusion, but Thráin was able to decipher his daughter’s quick tongue. He laughed and raised his brows. “A new ritual? I’ve been visiting Dale these past few weeks; I should recognize it.” Lazily he waved a hand at a very embarrassed Dwalin. “Proceed.”

Dwalin stood frozen to the spot, but Dís had no qualms. “C’mon, Dwalin, like we practiced!” was all she said as warning before she sprang at him. Out of instinct Dwalin responded and caught her, but he fell backward from the force and landed on his back. Dís was unfazed and proceeded almost before he was ready.

Before he knew what was happening Dwalin found Dís was being hauled off of him and he himself was pulled roughly to his feet.

“ _Amagur!_ ” Adad snapped severely just as Uncle Thráin hissed, “ _HalkGim!_ ”

Dwalin swallowed uneasily. “You didn’t like it?”

“No!” Ama burst out. “That is an inappropriate practice and little Dwarflings shouldn’t be doing it!”

“What did we do wrong?” Dís cried in dismay. This question was mostly directed at Dwalin, and he didn’t have an answer. They’d done it just right!

“‘What did you do—?’” Thráin echoed incredulously.

“Did something happen?” anxious Frerin asked as he dashed up with Balin and Thorin.

Dwalin watched in perplexion as Aunt Malyan took a deep breath to compose herself. In a calm voice she explained that what they had done was a practice only for adults of the Human race and that they weren’t to do it again.

Desperately Dís gazed over her shoulder at Dwalin as her parents and older brothers led her away. Dwalin steadily met her eyes and gave a miniscule nod. There would be no forgetting, ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This may have been a little too mushy for my own good! ;)


End file.
